Trump Signs Executive Order Against JD

Many people on the internet have taken notice of the bruises on the hands of President Trump, as well as similar marks that appeared on the Pope and the Queen of England shortly before they died. This has raised concern in the White House and led the President to sign an executive order stating that J.D. Vance shall henceforth never visit, comingle with, talk to, email, watch the same news program as, or breathe the same air as the President.